What really Matters.
Tuesday, July 31, 2018 4:06 PM
When someone dies you have a moment or a series of moments when the world stops and if you are lucky you have the opportunity to put things in perspective regarding what really matters. It really does matter when someone you love offends you and hurts your feelings so much so that you don’t talk to them for a while. But how long is long enough? Can you be the first to make an attempt to reach out first? I’ve been working on myself in recovery and the process asks you to look first at yourself and how you contribute to a relationship. I began the process of forgiving myself and forgiving my father and luckily we had some really special times before he passed away. Not perfect but some truly special moments that I will cherish for the rest of my days. That wasn’t all because of me he too made efforts but just my willingness to be calm and present helped both of us. My most recent gift was listening back to a voicemail he left me saying “I’m calling because I miss the sound of your voice”. This was special to me because as a child he tried to make me sound more like a man and less feminine. I choose to believe that message was his way of saying he was sorry.
I encourage you to remember that we are all at fault in life. No one is perfect and certainly not a single one of us can judge others. Forgiveness of yourself and others is so powerful and can take you to a new level of kindness and love for one another or maybe it won’t. We can’t have an expectation any bigger than I’d like to be kind regarding where we are in our relationship because maybe things will improve or maybe in fact nothing will change at all and there is peace in knowing you made an effort.
I have no idea why I think this quote is perfect but I like it “Everyone shits and we all die alone” Mrs Kasha Davis. I remember as a kid seeing Madonna & Tina Turner live and realizing that they were actually real human beings! I was flabbergasted that they actually were real people. I honestly thought omgoodness they poop! They actually sit on a toilet and poop just llike me and that makes them no better or bigger than I am in this life. More recently in my recovery I realized there was a part of me that had a fast and furious fear of dying because I knew I had MORE TO DO and frankly I wasn’t living my dream. I”ve leaned upon parents, siblings, friends and spouses and during my soul search I came to the conclusion that although we may build an incredible support system in life we must die alone. Will I be happy with what I’ve done in this lifetime and have I made my best efforts with the people I love? In the grand skeme of things life if really short and of course we have no idea when the alarm will sound for our time to be up so I try to take the time to reach out to those I love so that I can live this life and the one after JOYOUS, LIGHT AND FREE!
All my love to you today,
(Max says hello as he sleeps here on my feet)